thecapitol | I'd rather run the other way than stay and see

Who| Terezi, Disciple, Karkat (but not at the same time)
What| Visitors! Terezi doesn't want them, but she's going to get them anyway. There's people with things to say.
Where| District 3 Suites, Terezi's room
When| Not long after Terezi's return in Week
Warnings/Notes| None so far

After her fight with Fraysong, Terezi hasn't felt much like leaving her room. She's already gone over as much of the broadcasts as she really cares to. Everything has been hashed and rehashed and quite honestly, she's tired of hearing the Capitol voices on the television screen going on and on about how tragic or exciting their lives are. It's enough to make her sick.

Save for her venture to the roof, her only other excursion consisted of a trip to see the Disciple. Or rather, to slip a picture under her door with a note written on the back. There's other places that she would like to visit, but the risk of running into people that she doesn't want to deal with is too high. So she retires to her room to whittle away some hours browsing the network.

It seems that not everyone has been as preoccupied with the arena as she has.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Terezi takes note of that reaction. It's not difficult to tell that at least a few of her words are hitting their mark.

"You're supposed to be his matesprit," she continues. "Aren't you? You shouldn't have to 'take care of him' like his moirail does in order for him to think about about you. In the end, that's not actually about you. That's still about him."

Maybe she's biased, but as long as she's known Signless, she hasn't heard one thing from him that didn't revolve around himself. His ideals, his suffering, his decisions that led to so many problems. Even the Disciple's mere presence had been attributed to a product of his mistakes.

"You may be his Disciple, whatever that means; but you're more than just an extension of him. You have feelings, too, don't you?"

"I'm all of them, I'm everything. Matesprite, moirail, kismesis. I'm just...shit at being everything lately." She doesn't say that it might be their vast divide in time, him so early, her so late and her living without him.

"And of course I have feelings, I'm just not selfish. I went sweeps without him, I'm not going to ruin my second chance because I'm too much of a wriggler to deal with harsh words spoken in anger and sorrow."

Terezi's gaze narrows on the other troll, eying her critically. "A second chance that he was willing to throw away without thinking of you. Was he that careless about his death the first time, too? Color me unsurprised if his track record for not learning his lesson extends back further than this!"

Maybe that's going too far. She remembers well enough how badly she took talk of Signless's death before. She shouldn't be bringing that up again. Frowning, Terezi picks at the comforter again. Maybe she should steer the conversation in a different direction, before she says something she regrets.

"If he already had you as a matesprit, moirail, everything else; then what is he doing with Karkat?"

She pulls back, everything about her closing off. She doesn't want to hear things like this. He hasn't lived it and she spent her life trying to forget that moment. And she...

Her back straightens and she looks towards the door, her face a mask.

"We allow each other quadrants outside our own. I just haven't found anyone for mine. Perhaps I should go." Every word a stilted effort.

"Don't." The way she glances at the door tells Terezi everything she needs to know. It was too much, and suddenly she feels a little guilty for pushing so hard. She wasn't trying to upset her more.

"I'm just worried about you." The words are forced out, and she's back to picking idly at the comforter for something to focus on that's not the Disciple. It's not an easy thing to admit for her. Admitting to emotional attachment never has been, what with how Alternia was.

Maybe she should try something else. Something less interrogation and more comforting. If Signless isn't going to treat her well, then at least she can do something to assuage that, not make it worse.

"Do you want to go do something? Out in the city? Just the two of us?"

She doesn't meet her eyes. She wouldn't even if the girl could see. There's a long space of silence. She'd prided herself on being his Disciple but also on being a troll who didn't need others to define her. The ideals had been taken on as her own and the man she loved/pitied/hated was her complement, not her world. Right?

Part of her worries that she's been too long just his Disciple, just repeating his words, to not latch onto him as if he is her world. God she wanted a moirail, a proper one, just hers and theirs. Not a lover trying to be everything at once for her and her for him. Not a small troll interrogating her with an agenda in mind even if she worried for her.

She finally dragged her eyes up to look at Terezi, nodding once. Something beyond the world she had created between floors 7 and 12 would be nice.

"Alright."

I'd rather run the other way than stay and see

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