thecapitol | We Could Wake and This Could All Be Gone [Closed]

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We Could Wake and This Could All Be Gone [Closed]

WHO| Howard and Eponine
WHAT| Howard tracks his best friend down.
WHERE| Training Center
WHEN| Late week 5, after Howard's death by Hyperion.
WARNINGS| Descriptions of gore.

The first thing he does is look for Eponine. Before he eats, before he tries to shower off the memories of the Arena in the lavish Capitol baths, before he finds R or Julie or Sigma, he goes searching for her. He asks for her by name and by description, and everyone says they haven't seen her. They don't know if she's been brought back. So he tells himself, think like Eponine thinks, and it comes to him fairly easily.

He didn't hear from her in the Arena. He doesn't know if the last memory he'll ever have of her is of her dead body slumped in his lap, pieces of her head on him, a splatter of blood and brain and bone and matted hair. Her teeth red and yellow, her dainty profile pale against all the splash around her like a dark halo, her eye rolled up so the discolored iris is only a tiny slip against her eyelashes.

The idea rolls in his stomach and he has to pause his search to vomit in the sink on the first floor. It the only detour he makes on his search for her.

He finds her in the training center basement, where it's dark and quiet and she can be alone. At first, he barely recognizes her - any weight she's put back on in the Capitol has been stripped off her from the resurrection, and her hair hangs lankly over her face. He knocks on the opened door, illuminated by the light of the hall.

"Eponine?"

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She looks up at the sound of her name and groans. HOW had he found her here? Of all the people that she could possibly have seen - and it was one of the two that she was avoiding. But she remains silent, and edges back into the gloom, hoping, praying that he mistook her for someone else and he hasn't recognised her and he won't challenge her and he'll just go away. Because Eponine has NO idea what to say to Howard. How do you apologise for trying to gnaw someone's face off? How do you say that Draco somehow made you do it? How can you explain that you fear you are going mad?

Sometimes, it is easiest to just ignore reality and everything that goes with it. Even grumbling stomachs.

But Howard does recognize her, so he steps a bit closer - not into her personal bubble, not reaching for her, because he hates invasions in his personal space and is offering her the same consideration. But he wants to cling to her, to push that hair out of her face, to huddle up under her arm and keep her warm with his embrace.

Not to just stand here and watch her ignore him.

"Eponine. It's me." His voice breaks a little. "I thought you might be dead."

"They bring you back to life, remember... monsieur."

Her voice is hollow and she doesn't lift her head to Howard. She speaks to her knees. And then she's silent, waiting for him to go. When it becomes apparent that Howard will not leave her, she lifts her head.

"Well then. Hit me. Go on with it Monsieur."she climbs to her feet, and looks at him. It's what 'Parnasse'd do.

Howard pauses, a hurt look crossing his face. "I'm not going to...why would I hit you?"

A seed of doubt starts to blossom. Is she somehow responsible for what happened back there in the Arena? He was happy to blame Draco the whole way, assume it was something Draco was doing with his magic wand.

"I don't hit my friends."

"Because I..."

She can't say it. It's a nightmare for her to even think about. Being trapped in her own body like that, being able to think, to will herself not to do something, but to be completely out of control.

"How can you be friends with a mad girl?"

Howard doesn't especially want to think about what happened either. He wants to set it away, banish it to the land of nightmares where he can't do anything about it. He wants to pretend it didn't happen, and she's making it hard when she insists it mattered.

"I'm friends with an alcoholic monster, a zombie and a cowboy, too. So what?"

She begins to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of his statement. She's not quite sure really what a cowboy might be, let alone a zombie, but she's not telling Howard that.

"They didn't try to kill you though."

Her words are in sharp contrast to her laughter. They're filled with a bitter, anxious sound that she can't control.

"I... his voice was in my head and it was all I could hear. I could only obey. That was it, Sir. I tried... but I... it was all I could do."

Howard's very familiar with that sound. Usually he's hearing it from himself, and not from other people, but it sounds similar. He crouches down next to her.

"I know. I believe you. Really, I do. I..."

He wouldn't care even if she did do it on purpose, he realizes. He's used to betrayals. They're inevitable. Some inherent flaw in him gives people permission to use him and abuse him and he believes he's come to peace with that.

So he leans forward and kisses Eponine on the cheek instead.

She had shrunk back a little as Howard had sat next to her - but the kiss made her look up in surprise... and surprise turned to confusion as she realised what Howard had done.

He'd kissed her... why had he kissed her? Her hand goes to her cheek and she just... stares. Eponine has no idea how to react. What does she do now? Does he love her? But... but no, he can't. Does she love him? She doesn't think so... What does she do now?

Howard leans back too, cheeks flushing bright red in the faint light from the doorway. He waits for an answer.

And when none comes, when the answer is Eponine looking stunned and holding a hand over the place of the kiss as if it were a blemish, the panic starts to rise in him.

"Sorry, sorry, I should've asked, I'm sorry..."

She just shakes her head. He didn't have to ask permission to kiss her. But she can't quite meet his eye even still.

She is literally at a loss of what to do. She doesn't want to leave him here - and yet, she wants to run for miles to get away. She knows she doesn't love Howard, but to be loved by someone is the nicest feeling in the world and quite frankly, she wants more of it. So, still silently, she reaches for Howard's hand and takes it in her own, clutching tight.

"I watched you die."

He holds her hand back. She's holding the hand he impaled trying to escape from the site of her murder, the one that was stiff and numb and atrophied by the time he died. It feels strange, to hold someone's hand like this - the last time he did, he was dying, and couldn't clasp so much as limply lay it in Wyatt's palm.

"Yeah," he says quietly. "I watched you die too. I thought they might...people upstairs hadn't seen you, so I thought they might not have brought you back, and I'm sorry, I just got carried away because I'm glad you're still here."

"I do not want to see people. I have slept down here for almost a week now. It is easier... don't tell Valeria will you? She'll make me play again and I do not want to. Howard, I want to run. If this was home, I would have gone already and slept in a ditch. But they only bring me back here."

She inches, just a little closer to him. She shouldn't, really shouldn't... but she can't help it. She craves the human contact.

"Though perhaps you are mad too, to miss the girl who tried to kill you."

"I get...I understand that. I was like that last time. That's why I was hiding all the time and couldn't get out of bed." He strokes his thumb over the back of her hand. He's glad she moves in for contact; it makes him feel as if he hasn't totally bungled everything.

"I don't know. I seen some crazy shit. I don't think this is that...that 'mad', I guess." He rests his head against her shoulder. "You're my friend. That's what matters."

Edited 2013-04-24 19:48 (UTC)

She shakes her head. "I am fed up with them doing this to us. I don't want these things that Valeria gives me. I don't ask for them and they come and I do not know what to do because she does not listen to me. I do not know what Draco did, but he did something. He made it so I couldn't move and he called me names whilst I could only watch. And then he was in my head and making me do things I did not want - like killing you. And now he is not here and I cannot even shout at him now. Howard, I am fed up with being controlled."

She puts her hand on his forehead, hugging him a little closer.

"I've never had a friend before. I do not think I am a good one."

"I know you are, I know." Howard wishes he could have that fighting spirit, really, but it's not the way his mind works. He doesn't rebel against authority, he constructs a haven for himself within the parameters. "Maybe we can...maybe we can figure something out."

So Draco Malfoy's dead for good. Howard can't find it in him to feel sorry for the guy. Not at all.

"That's okay. I'm not great at friendship either." He closes his eyes, feeling her, all warm and bony, holding him. He wraps an arm around her waist.

"I am going. Eva - do you know her? - She says wait until she says - but I'm going. You can come if you want. I shall go to this District three and live there."

His hand round her waist is unexpected again, and for a minute, she tenses. But she does relax a little, sinking into the hug. She's never been held like this either.

"I think a lot of people like you, you know."

"No, I don't know her, but that, that sounds nice. I'll go wherever you think it's best to go."

He wants to be near her. She's comforting, she understands. He wonders if he can introduce her to Wyatt and Julie and R, if having friends besides him would make her happier. Then he thinks maybe it's good that he's her only friend, because it means he's vital.

He relaxes a bit, settling into a comfortable embrace with her.

He thinks about that for a moment. "Yeah, I think there are some people out there who do. It's weird. I'm not used to people liking me."

"Me either. You are the first, I think." That makes her laugh. "That sounds bad. I don't mean to sound pitiful. But I like having friends. Or, a friend."

It'll look odd to anyone who sees, the two kids cuddling in a dark basement, but Eponine likes it. It's... private.

"Will you really come? I hadn't thought of others coming, but it'd be good if you did. You are not afraid of hunger or sleeping outside, no? Of walking far?"

"I like it too." He makes a content little sigh.

"I'm afraid of a lot of things, but not of those things. Well, hunger a little bit, but I'll do it for you." The truth is he's terrified of starving, but he's also used to it. He knows ways around it.

He decides to steel up his nerves and lay it out there. "We could be more than friends, you know, I mean, if you wanted to, no pressure or anything. I'm cool with just friends."

"We will be hungry, I think. We just have to run when Eva says. But it is okay. After a while, the hunger goes and the sick goes and you are okay for a while. Grass is not so bad you know."

She strokes his head a little, smoothing her fingers through his short hair.
But she stops when he asks.

"More than friends? Like, courting? Howard..." What's she supposed to say? She's flattered - and she likes Howard better than Montparnasse.

She sighs.

"At home, have I told you? My Papa had arranged for me to be 'Parnasse's. He is my husband in all but name."

And the fact that she hates him. But since when did Eponine's opinion ever count.

"But whilst he is not here... he'd kill you if he knew. And I do not even want to think what'd happen to me. If he comes, we cannot stay together."

"I know. Been there, done that." The corner of his lips twitches up when she runs her hand over his hair. It's a nice feeling, not one he's really experienced before. "If we get to District 3, we'll have to go underground anyway. Your dad or Parsnip won't be able to find us. And if not...well, lots of people want to kill us. What's one more?"

He pauses, unsure if he's trying to persuade her or affirming a decision she's already made.

"Like...yeah, like courting. Dating. Handholding and sometimes kissing and it doesn't have to be anything long-term if you don't want."

"Nobody has ever asked me before."

She runs her hands back over his hair, and down onto his forehead as she gently begins to trace around his facial features with her now-bitten nails. She's doing it idly, enjoying the intimacy, but not particularly realising that she might be leading the poor boy on a little.

"You are not joking me, are you?"

He wrinkles his nose a little bit, but it's an amused expression, one from being slightly ticklish in the spot above his cheekbone.

"I wouldn't joke about that. That'd be mean. And I'm only mean to other people."

She doesn't notice his expression really, not in the gloom.

"Nobody has ever said such a thing to me, Howard."

Take it as a yes. Please take it as a yes.

"I think I would like it, Howard..."

He gives her free hand, the one he hasn't let go, a bit of a squeeze.

"I think I'll like it too."

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We Could Wake and This Could All Be Gone [Closed]

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