Roland's thinking, even before Signless is finished. He watches Signless' face, then looks down at his knees, gaze distant. That last clearly catches his attention, though; he looks up, studies Signless, then goes back to thinking again. His hand cups Signless' shoulder, his thumb rubs back and forth over Signless' shirt. Even once Roland has some idea what he means to say there's more to think on - if this comes out badly, it could do a great deal of damage.
"Who told you that?" His voice is low, more musing than actually asking. "Was it me?" Is that what Signless got from what he'd said?
When Roland continues, it's in that same musing tone. "Death is a hard thing, always. A sorry thing. I don't know who it is you killed, who they were to you, but if you did it for mercy - killing someone you never defended yourself from, or shouldn't have, that's even harder."
"What are your beliefs? No need to tell me, but think on them. Think on them, and tell me: If I decided to take your vow as mine, started speaking those beliefs to any who would listen- I've killed a great many, Signless. Many of them never had a chance. Some of them trusted me." Roland stares down at his knees, takes a breath, looks back up. "No matter how sorry I am, no matter my reasons, those people are dead. Things are different in the arenas, but there was still the chance your mercy killing would be final. You did what you did, Signless."
Roland tilts his head back, looks up at the ceiling and continues idly, thoughtlessly copying the tone and look of his tutor, Vannay, giving one of his old thought-exercizes. "With your beliefs still in your mind, tell me: How true are they, if I decide to speak them? If I convince others to take the same vow, and they go out and act on it? Even if all those I've ever killed appear in this city tomorrow, I did what I did. That isn't going to change. Are your beliefs real if I speak them, or would your vow be tainted, coming from my mouth? Would all the acts I'd perform in its name be wicked, because they've come from hands which've done what mine have done?"
"I don't ask for an answer to those questions now, Signless. But if you have your own questions, ask them. This is one matter I'd like to be certain I've spoken on clearly."
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"Who told you that?" His voice is low, more musing than actually asking. "Was it me?" Is that what Signless got from what he'd said?
When Roland continues, it's in that same musing tone. "Death is a hard thing, always. A sorry thing. I don't know who it is you killed, who they were to you, but if you did it for mercy - killing someone you never defended yourself from, or shouldn't have, that's even harder."
"What are your beliefs? No need to tell me, but think on them. Think on them, and tell me: If I decided to take your vow as mine, started speaking those beliefs to any who would listen- I've killed a great many, Signless. Many of them never had a chance. Some of them trusted me." Roland stares down at his knees, takes a breath, looks back up. "No matter how sorry I am, no matter my reasons, those people are dead. Things are different in the arenas, but there was still the chance your mercy killing would be final. You did what you did, Signless."
Roland tilts his head back, looks up at the ceiling and continues idly, thoughtlessly copying the tone and look of his tutor, Vannay, giving one of his old thought-exercizes. "With your beliefs still in your mind, tell me: How true are they, if I decide to speak them? If I convince others to take the same vow, and they go out and act on it? Even if all those I've ever killed appear in this city tomorrow, I did what I did. That isn't going to change. Are your beliefs real if I speak them, or would your vow be tainted, coming from my mouth? Would all the acts I'd perform in its name be wicked, because they've come from hands which've done what mine have done?"
"I don't ask for an answer to those questions now, Signless. But if you have your own questions, ask them. This is one matter I'd like to be certain I've spoken on clearly."