But if to live, we have to be numb

[impaledqueen]

Who| Peggy and You
What| The spitting image of her dead best friend/only love is now running scared in the arena with the spitting image of her not-so-dead best friend chasing him. This has caused serious flashbacks and unearthed a lot of repressed trauma. Peggy deals with this by destroying her body with the gym.
Where| Training Center
When| After the Arena begins
Warnings/Notes| Discussion of trauma, addiction to exercise, possible mentions of bidding (but that's not in the header and threads with it will be labeled)

Peggy has a very rigid schedule that no one can get her to deviate from. Two and a half hours of exercise in the morning. Two hours in the evening. Two hours midday. Minimum. Even if she has to skip meals or cut into her ability to sleep, she will do that minimum every day. When she can't, she gets moody and anxious and very unpleasant to deal with.

This is well beyond her minimum. She's getting into her fifth consecutive hour with only the bare essentials of hydration and skipping her meals. She's covered in sweat. Her throat is dry. Her muscles have gone past the point of pain. She's forgotten about things like eating and drinking, only remembering to drink from her water bottle when the pain in her throat gets searing. She picked a time when the gym wasn't crowded, but it doesn't stay that way, and people are coming in.

To those who don't know her, it looks normal. She's wearing a little bit of waterproof makeup so the sweat doesn't make her look too unseemly, and she just seems to be deep in an intense workout. To those who do know her, there's something very wrong. The biggest sign of that is that she's not wearing one of her signature scarves. The scar on her throat is knotted, mottled, and exposed to the world. She had to take it off to keep her neck cool. She never takes it off unless she's getting into a spar or working with heavy equipment.

Comments

[whatisay]

"I'm going to whip her," Jason mutters to himself. "I'm going to have the Avoxes hold her down and I'm going to whip her with a switch if I have to."

That's become something of a mantra as he searches for Ruffnut, who's gone missing from her scheduled exercise routine. Unlike the other denizens of the gym, Jason's not in exercise clothing, and he's all but flouting good health by chewing on the end of his cigarette between puffs. In his suit he stalks around exercise machines and the rock climbing wall, looking for his damned errant Tribute, pacing frenetically around corners as if she'll pop up out of the ground if he retraces his steps enough. It's beginning to occur to him that she's not at the gym at all, that she's deviated entirely from schedule, and that makes him livid.

He pauses when his pursuit brings him towards Peggy, whom he hasn't really paid much attention to except to note that she's beating the hell out of a punching bag with the same sort of fury he's fantasized about unleashing on about eight people per day. Now he glances up at her and actually sees her, rather than just registering her and moving on, and a crinkle forms in his brow.

"Peggy." Jason looks at her face less than the scar, not out of curiosity, but to make a point to her that he sees it even without words. He's seen it before, he doesn't care, but he knows she wouldn't expose it for nothing. The concern he feels for is almost masked by the irritation of the day that's settled onto his features like a layer of frost. "What the hell are you doing?"

[arrogantalloy]

Normally, Tony never bothers going to the training center. While he did have interest in learning how to defend himself back in his own world, he flat out refused to try in the Capitol because he's obstinate and enjoys not always living up to the expectation. But right now, Tony needs something different and unfamiliar to clear his head a little, especially after his own way of finding out that Steve was not only in the arena but looking how he does in the photo's Howard had in his office. Knowing that the training center is huge and with the arena running, should be fairly devoid of people.

As he wandered aimlessly in there, he could hear at least one person in here, making themselves sweaty, curiosity gets the better of him and he comes over to see what's going on. At first Tony can't see who it is due to the fact he's not close enough or the right angle, just a dark haired woman as far as he can tell. He stops several feet away, with his hands in his pocket and a smirk.

"You know, you don't really have to train that hard when there's an arena running."

[cw: mentions of bidding]

[clotting]

Temple isn't here to exercise, and a single look could tell anyone that. She in tall candy-apple heels and a floral dress that brings her knees tight together, with gloves up to her biceps and a hat that falls over her face as if shielding her from a world that seems too harsh for her delicate and dolorous features. One hand to her clutch, she clicks her way along the perimeter of the Training Center, trying to decide if the metal floor stretching out before her is the same one that she stood on nearly a decade ago or if they replaced it entirely.

They probably replaced it entirely when they expanded the facilities for nearly a hundred Tributes. Temple realizes that it was probably silly to assume anyone was sentimental enough to keep it. She drums her painted fingers on her clutch and walks by one of the exercise mats.

"Peggy Carter, hasn't anyone told you your Arena is over?" And they aren't allowed to punch Bidders, so Temple doesn't see the point of continuing to pound away at a punching bag as if muscle on her bones will protect her. "Come on, dear. You look exhausted. Let me take you for a drink."

It's not that Temple knows Peggy that well or that they're friends; it's just that Temple calls everyone pet names, and more importantly, that she hasn't comfortably settled back into being a Mentor and is scrapping around for a familiar face.

[impaledqueen]

Peggy depends on the fact that Jason usually doesn't pay attention in the gym to anyone other than his tributes. He usually leaves her to her routine, and if she prolongs it a little bit, he won't notice.

But of course he's noticed her. The one man who can probably see right through her whenever they're together notices.

She doesn't look at him. She looks at the punching bag. "I'm exercising." There's a silent so fuck off attached to the end of that. She's not in the mood for an intervention.

[impaledqueen]

She recognizes the voice. Another mentor, but one from the new games. She doesn't bother thinking too hard about it or looking at his face. She just focuses on her exercise, and right now, that means beating the shit out of a punching bag. (Her hands have already gone numb.)

"I already won my games." The last word is punctuated by a particularly solid punch. "I'm not training for the arena."

[arrogantalloy]

"And yet. You're here."

Tony makes a point to look around the room. He narrows his eyes momentarily at the voice, feeling familiar but he can't rightly place it so he just moves on, figuring he's just heard her about the place.

"Looking like you're training for a triathlon."

[whatisay]

"Like hell you are." Jason turns off his cigarette and tucks it away, meeting Peggy's hostility with his own strident stubbornness. He takes a step up onto the exercise mat, not showing on his face that the way it gives under his foot surprises him a little. "How long have you been here, six hours straight? Seven?"

He reaches for her wrist to grab it. Normally he knows better than to touch Peggy when she's in a mood, but he'll risk her lashing out at him right now; he's actually worried she'll hurt herself if she keeps this up.

CW probably for whole thread

[impaledqueen]

Peggy doesn't pause in her workout, but she does take the time to glance at the person who's talking to her. Temple. Peggy's throat constricts and the next punch to the bag is particularly hard.

"Thank you, Temple, but I'm afraid I'm not in any state for drinks at the moment." Peggy looks away from the woman and keeps punching. "The arena is over, but no one says you shouldn't keep in shape afterwards."

Re: CW probably for whole thread

[clotting]

Temple doesn't seem perturbed or hurt by the rebuff. Gathering the hem of her skirt around her, she takes a step up onto the mat, eyes still wide and beguiling and mouth still plaintively tipped upwards. "Did you not hear me when I said you looked exhausted?"

She presses a palm against the back of the punching bag, absorbing the vibrations as Peggy throws another punch. She doesn't seem scared of being hit, not because she doesn't think Peggy will do it but because she doesn't much care. "Come on, Peggy. There are more ways to unwind than sweating it out. And you're probably dehydrated."

[impaledqueen]

"I like exercising."

She feels herself getting irrationally angry at the mentor. She finally pauses in her punching to just grasp the bag, her muscles shaking from exertion, and she looks back at the mentor. She forces her voice to be polite when she says, "Do you need something?"

[arrogantalloy]

When he sees her face, he pales and unconsciously takes a step back. Forcefully closing his eyes to rub them harshly before staring at her again. Looking all the world like he's just seen a ghost.

Which really to him he thinks he is.

"I. Think I need a drink." He pauses. "Or, I should stop drinking because I'm hallucinating."

[impaledqueen]

"It doesn't matter, I--"

Fingers curl around her wrist, and her reaction is instinctive. Her heart is thundering, her muscles shaking, her ears buzzing, and someone is trying to restrain her and they might hurt her no no no-- "Don't touch me!" She swings around, aiming her next punch right at Jason.

[impaledqueen]

She furrows her brow, already itching to get back to her bag but forcing herself to pay attention. The man looks sick, and she feels inclined to check if he's okay.

"What are you on about?"

[arrogantalloy]

He raises a hand, his finger pointing to the sky as a way to get her to not continue questioning.

"Before we go any further. Who is Howard Stark to you?"

[whatisay]

"Jesus!"

He sees it coming (has known it was coming) a second beforehand, and so he manages to duck his head back before she hits him hard enough to undo that rhinoplasty his mother spent so much money on. She does manage to land one that sends blood spilling down the neck of his collar, that splits his upper lip.

"Peggy!" He covers his bloody nose and mouth with his hand. He knew it was coming, on some level. He wanted it, because it would prove a point, that she's out of control, or because it would get whatever violent impulse is in her out of her system if she hits a real flesh and blood person. "Get a hold of yourself!"

[impaledqueen]

"Temple..."

Peggy outwardly stays polite, but inside, she feels irritation flaring. The woman standing there, dressed immaculately as Peggy usually is, wearing the Capitol mask that Peggy usually does, but without any kind of hopeful fire, makes her feel like she's looking in a cracked mirror. It's terrifying.

"I'm sorry, but I need to finish up in here. Maybe this evening?"

Anything to make her leave.

[impaledqueen]

Her first instinct is to draw her fist back again like she's ready to keep hitting him, but then she sees the blood and remembers who she just punched.

"Shit!" His blood is all over the wrapping around her hand. "Shit, Jason, are you okay?"

She hasn't properly hit him in a decade. Not like this.

[clotting]

"It's alright, I'm in nowhere in a hurry. Please? No one's shown me the ropes at Mentoring all these..." Temple scrunches her painted lips to the side, eyes flashing to some part of the ether as if she were eying down every single one of the offworld Tributes. "All of these foreigners."

She doesn't mean to be needy, and in a way this is less about than about some frustrated desire to just get her way with something for once.

"Besides, I can't stay out late. Bailey will want his bedtime story and Avoxes are no good for that."

[impaledqueen]

She doesn't like this strange questioning. She frowns, her fingers tightening on the punching bag.

"Why?"

[arrogantalloy]

He paces slightly, just a few steps before stopping.

"Because knowing him tells me whether or not I actually know you or not."

The reply is probably just as unhelpful as his questioning, however it's really bothering him that someone who looks way too much like his Aunt Peggy was just wailing on a punching bag and has been here for an unspecified amount of time without him realizing. Especially if this was his Aunt Peggy.

[whatisay]

"I'm fine!" He spits blood onto the mat and cradles the lower half of his face in his hands. He takes a step back from her, out of her range, still watching her with eyes that could punch a hole in steel. "Are you done? Are you ready to stop thrashing around and beating yourself into the ground yet?"

It's because it's Peggy that he doesn't hit her back, and not because he knows she could kill him with a single blow. That wouldn't factor in. It's because he hasn't hit her back in a decade either.

[sociopathicwolf]

Derek doesn't understand what's got Peggy like this, why she's acting so unlike herself, but he does know that something's wrong.

The burns and chemical scars on his hands and chest are something that Derek doesn't care about people in the training room seeing, because it usually serves his purpose to remind people of what he'd done in the arena when he's in here, but it's not the same for Peggy. Derek knows that, even if he doesn't really know why.

His hackles are up when he comes back to the training room after an hour or so and sees her still there, sees that things have gotten worse, and he knows that she needs to stop. He just doesn't know how to ask her to.

So he doesn't ask. He just moves in front of her, apparently unconcerned about the potential danger of physically interrupting someone that intense into their workout.

"Peggy?"

[impaledqueen]

Peggy has put weights on her feet and is in the middle of doing pull ups, dangling from a metal bar as sweat streaks her skin and her muscles tremble from the extended stress. If she keeps this up, her muscles will give on her and she will fall from the bar. Under her breath, she's counting the pull ups. She's already gotten up to eighty-seven.

She waits until her head is above the bar again to focus on Derek, keeping her mouth a grim line. "Derek."

She knows you're not stupid, Derek. You know that you're interrupting something and it'd better be for a good reason.

[impaledqueen]

Bedtime story? The thought of Temple reading her child a story every night makes her skin crawl a little. Peggy knows the children can't help it, but they symbolize chains to her. Chains that the Capitol is trying to press Peggy herself into wearing.

"Then I'll talk to you after I'm done here. The arena has begun, so you have time to learn the ropes, but I'll get you started." She'll do it because she's nice and Temple would be utterly useless to her Tributes otherwise. District 8 and its other mentor deserve better than that.

[impaledqueen]

"You're a District 12 mentor. I'm a District 10 mentor. Beyond that, no, we don't know each other."

She doesn't know what's up with him. She turns back to the punching bag and starts pounding it.

"Is this the first time you're aware of me being here?"