Honestly, it’d be easier if Clint did look away. Sam wants to look away here, because talking about what really sold him on Bucky means talking about Riley, means going into just how badly watching his best friend get blown to pieces messed him up. But Clint is his partner, and that means something to Sam, too.
It means a lot.
So Sam holds his gaze steady, thumbs smoothing over Clint’s hands as much to ground himself as for Clint.
“At the end of the space arena, I wasn’t doing so hot. Got in a fight with a Viking, not my best idea. Bucky found me trying to hold my guts in on the way back to the infirmary, and he sat me down with him, let me bleed all over him. The countdown’d already started, and I think we both knew what was coming.” He swallows, jaw locking briefly as he grits his teeth, trying to get this out. Yeah, maybe he talks a lot about this, but he rarely goes into specifics, into exactly what his weaknesses - triggers, he knows that - were.
“Riley, my wingman, he was hit with an RPG, our last mission out with the wings. I, uh. I’m not crazy about fire, explosions. Shit, the first fourth of July I was back, I spent an hour hiding in the bathroom trying not to puke. I mean, it’s better now, but-” Not the point, moving on. Clint can fill in the gaps there.
“Bucky stayed with me, held my hand, right up until the end. Without him I would’ve been in a lot worse shape.”
Fireworks may not bother him anymore, but goddamn, Sam knows there’s no way he would’ve been anything like ready to face getting blown up alone.
no subject
It means a lot.
So Sam holds his gaze steady, thumbs smoothing over Clint’s hands as much to ground himself as for Clint.
“At the end of the space arena, I wasn’t doing so hot. Got in a fight with a Viking, not my best idea. Bucky found me trying to hold my guts in on the way back to the infirmary, and he sat me down with him, let me bleed all over him. The countdown’d already started, and I think we both knew what was coming.” He swallows, jaw locking briefly as he grits his teeth, trying to get this out. Yeah, maybe he talks a lot about this, but he rarely goes into specifics, into exactly what his weaknesses - triggers, he knows that - were.
“Riley, my wingman, he was hit with an RPG, our last mission out with the wings. I, uh. I’m not crazy about fire, explosions. Shit, the first fourth of July I was back, I spent an hour hiding in the bathroom trying not to puke. I mean, it’s better now, but-” Not the point, moving on. Clint can fill in the gaps there.
“Bucky stayed with me, held my hand, right up until the end. Without him I would’ve been in a lot worse shape.”
Fireworks may not bother him anymore, but goddamn, Sam knows there’s no way he would’ve been anything like ready to face getting blown up alone.