sizeofyourbaggage: (let's do this then)
Sam Wilson ([personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage) wrote in [community profile] thecapitol2015-01-18 09:44 pm

just need a place to breathe

Who| Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson and the Initiate, Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanoff
What| Using blind spots to talk about emotional issues. And some District 13 stuff, that too
Where| Various spots in the Capitol
When| After Panem Nightly
Warnings/Notes| Probably discussion of PTSD, violence and death

((prompts for people in the comments!))
carnagecarnival: (I am waiting for you to attack.)

[personal profile] carnagecarnival 2015-01-19 07:00 pm (UTC)(link)
It had been without qualm as he agreed. Sam was a friend, and he could hardly say no to a walk out of the building or option of food. He keeps the growning knowing up inside, right up until Sam asks his quiet query.

He smiles, and it's just the same as he gives in his brighter moments, but the rest of him has changed. Without his even trying, his shoulders are straight and back, chin lifted just slightly, face ever more firm. It's all the difference of a motherfucker getting slouch like he has too much limb to know what to do with, to one what's all claws and fangs and sharp edges, knowing exactly what to do and still more.

He's let Sam see much of his broken bits, as where he's not but pieces, but still inside are enough pieces to mold and reflect that of the skilled war leader at of the past. And a blindspot generally gets at meaning motherfucking business.

"I DO," He says. The fluctuations are, as ever, a detriment in a place like this. But he'll manage fine. He's lived long enough to know when and how to make balance of such private speech to something innocuous. And at worst, he can wave over someone with pen and paper as what he can borrow. "All of motherfucking knowing am I. AND SO BE ASSUMPTION. We ain't passing no mere palaver. HIT ME. Tell me what you got for, brother."
tookthewheel: (A grenade Steve?!)

[personal profile] tookthewheel 2015-01-19 08:45 pm (UTC)(link)
"Are you sure?"

Bucky is moving as soon as Sam tells him that, pacing up and down the space. His eyes dart to every nook and cranny, searching for any sign of hidden cameras or microphones in the area the way he was trained to. The Capitol technology might be vastly superior to the surveillance technology Bucky was familiar with dealing with and he'd never been able to detect a camera in the arena but he still had to try.

The idea that there were places where their eyes and ears did not reach is hard to believe, even though he's come to have a measure of trust in Sam. He wants to be certain they are safe before he contemplates saying anything that could get either of them punished.

His efforts reveal nothing though, so he paces back towards Sam.
carnagecarnival: (I knew my weakness.)

[personal profile] carnagecarnival 2015-01-23 03:30 am (UTC)(link)
He nods along as all it makes perfect sense. He's long since gotten used to his business being everybody's but he can understand the desire. He sure as shit looks forward to the day he can get being near his quadrants without Capitol knowing fuck all about it. He still revelled in the memory of their week long escape, when he, Terezi, Signless, and Disciple ran for the fucking hills.

He'll adjust to the personal laterways. Being both is a thing what he can do, but not up at the same time.

Especially when the business is being as vital and startling as that. "BEEN HERE NEAR A SWEEP. They ain't never made motherfucking move as like that before as I'm knowing. DID THEY TELL? Retrieving what sorts?" Of course, he's grateful for this information. It ain't so easy to express at this time as he's being, but he is. Every bit counted. Every bit got one step further. He was a motherfucking highblood if he couldn't play the long game, no one could.

"THIS CAN BE EITHER WHICH WAY. Good is that the time for making moves is nearing. BAD, WELL. Let's be praying this ain't no move desperate. FROM MY MAINS HERE. My motherfucking capitol based homies. AIN'T NOTHING GONE TO PUT SUCH FIRES SET."
tookthewheel: (Resignation)

[personal profile] tookthewheel 2015-01-23 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)
"It appears secure." Bucky reports, before shoving his hands in his pockets and looking at Sam.

He sniffs because of the cold air and huddles down in his jacket as he sinks into the reality of why Sam has brought him here. So he can talk, so he can talk without being overheard. Bucky looks down at the ground, trying to think of all the things that have been locked in his head for months, ever since he was allowed to start remembering them. All the things he's seen, experienced and recalled since escaping HYDRA.

"You really want to hear me talk?" he hesitates.
carnagecarnival: (Than to breathe a lie.)

[personal profile] carnagecarnival 2015-01-23 10:59 pm (UTC)(link)
"Then they're preparing at last," He hums, half to himself. If it wasn't just Tributes, it didn't take away the matter of them being taken. It would've been made a scene if they was just distracting at from whatever else. The recruiting is all about to begin

"MOTHERFUCKER'S BEING RIGHT," He says. "Not all just for trusts and what be undone. NOT ALL JUST FOR THE BETRAYING. If we get motherfuckers here getting hope up to high for those what are left for dead as thinking they're there, it'll be no good at for us or anybody." All while he says it, he wonders if others might be there, brothers and sisters what've been long fucking lost. They won't be. He knows that right now.

"YOU MOTHERFUCKING KNOW? Was almost hoping as this brother was being not but paranoid. GETTING MEMORY UP AND ON OF OLD STRIFE. Old bias." He sighs and shakes his head. "BUT WE GOT PREPARATION AT FOR THIS. Ain't as if all we could afford no relaxing up in motherfucking war anyway. AT THE VERY LEAST WE GOT AT FOR ONE THING. They think as they can use us for being soldiers." They'll keep us longer.
tookthewheel: TWS (Processing)

[personal profile] tookthewheel 2015-01-26 08:24 pm (UTC)(link)
His mouth opens, closes.

There's so many things lodged inside his head and now in his throat. It feels like they're caught on the ghosts of old orders, demands to keep silent because he was a weapon and weapons didn't get to have thoughts or feeling and they certainly didn't have the right to voice them.

It's his minds attempt at self-preservation, Bucky thinks and wonders if in the past they'd tried to trick him into talking, searching for any last traces of humanity that they could eradicate in their Soldier. This spurs the tight ball of anger that had reared its head over Rumlow back into being but the words stay locked in his throat.

"Ask me something." he says finally, aware that time is ticking by on every moment he dallies.

A question could be something like an order and orders he's good at following. Something has to give, even if he needs a push to make it happen.
tookthewheel: (Needs a barber)

[personal profile] tookthewheel 2015-01-27 03:41 pm (UTC)(link)
It's a good question to open with in terms of getting an actual emotional response out of Bucky, a good one to open the floodgates as the saying went. His eyes darken immediately, fill with anger mixed in with uncertainly and perhaps a touch of fear as he thinks back to that conversation. It was far less satisfying encounter than the one they'd had in the arena.

"He told me the wipes were for my own good and they were the only thing keeping me stable" he says, slowly, grinding the words out. "He said without them I'll... become psychotic, or a vegetable." his hands are curling to fists. "The first time I went functional I almost killed a doctor."

The thing he's afraid of is that Rumlow is right and it's only the Capitol resets that are keeping him together. "I can remember doing that."
tookthewheel: (Rebellious)

[personal profile] tookthewheel 2015-01-28 08:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Bucky stares at the show of anger, before clenching his jaw and looking aside. "I don't remember, he could know more about me than I do. He's HYDRA." the one's who'd modified, tortured and enslaved him for several decades. "I don't know how many times I could have worked with him."

Rumlow wasn't a handler, he knows that and is immensely grateful for it. A handler would be far more trouble to deal with than a simple commander.

The topic of Bucky's brain healing is one he's had a rather horrible realisation about lately, one that will probably come up here soon but for now is put on the back burner in favour of answering the question.

"After..." he has to think, "I think it was after they put the arm on." that metal fist tightens as he speaks. "I woke up, there was doctor leaning over me, I tried to choke him." The memory is hazy, with a dreamlike quality about it. He'd been drugged, probably, or it's just his mind making it that way.
carnagecarnival: (I wish I’d just stood and let.)

[personal profile] carnagecarnival 2015-01-29 04:24 am (UTC)(link)
He sighs and shakes his head. "Nothing as what ain't inference, being sorry at to say. ALL THINGS AS WHAT GONE AND BEEN TOLD. Their holding weapon as all to keep Capitol at stalemate. THEIR NEEDING ALL TO HIDE MEANING THEM STILL A SORTS OF WEAK. Been told beforeways as they got allegiance to the Districts but..."

Considering all they knew of the rebels, all he knew of rebels as a whole, he wasn't so sure. Certainly many, in the sense of having a mutual enemy. But any what so much as breathed Capitol air...

"I MET A MOTHERFUCKING CULTIST," He says, going off into regale of story old. "A follower of the Signless back when all I was a subjugglator still. THREE THERE HAD BEEN BUT THIS ONE STOOD OUT FOR THEY HAD NO SIGN, NO COLOR. And when they motherfucking spoke, I could hear it on their voice. THEY SOUNDED..." Like me. "...FAMILIAR. And so I bled the motherfucker. JUST THE SMALLEST SPILL OF BLOOD. Just the fuck enough as everyone and all could see. MY TROOPS. The other two cultists. THEY HADN'T KNOWN THEY WERE HOSTING A HIGHBLOOD. Not a motherfucking indigo. AS LIKE WE THE SUBJUGGLATORS WERE TO BE. They reviled and feared the troll. WERE THEIR TIMES NOT ALREADY UP, GOT SUSPICION AT TO ME THE TWO WOULD HAVE MOTHERFUCKING CULLED THAT SORRY SACK."

He realises, in retrospect, the troll had to have been young to have grey, uncolored, eyes still. But then, so was he when he when he bore fear into their pans, and rent them to pieces inside and out. So was he when he had his troops set that hive cluster alight.

"Got some here what all don't exactly wave the fighting flag. WHAT ALL MAKE TO SAVE THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN. Or otherwise bear the Capitol's mark in whatever motherfucking way. I DO NOT KNOW IF THEY WILL BE SAMELIKE. But they could be. AND WE OUGHT BE OF MIND. They may not save those what sing the city's praises, regardless of stance." Which may be a thing many rebels get agreeance with even here. But he knew people. People what were helping from this side. And for love of Messiahs, he just did make allegory of Capitol rebels to Highblood rebels. As he was.

"THEY'RE STAYING HIDDEN," He continues. "If they ain't motherfucking restrictive, they're careless. BETTING ONE MORE ALL THAN THE OTHER. They have means of contact at to us what they fear in using. THEY WANT AT FOR US TO SPEAK. But doing so has seen the end of District three and many others." And that was not an option he wanted to lay down just yet.
tookthewheel: (You have my attention)

[personal profile] tookthewheel 2015-01-30 08:14 pm (UTC)(link)
"Maybe." he glances down at the dirty alley ground. Much of the Capitol is kept conspicuously clean, coming somewhere that actually looks less than pristine is a good change. Bucky speaks with bitterness seeping into his voice, "I don't think I'll be able to find out the truth."

The question... the question is something he hasn't thought of in-depth before. The memory plays out like a movie with Bucky along for the ride, helpless to do anything but watch his past torture over and over again.

He swallows before admitting, "I was... angry. Scared. I didn't want it."
aboveangrybees: By <user name="zodiacrockstar"> (aka Me) (110)

Re: For Steve

[personal profile] aboveangrybees 2015-02-03 05:43 am (UTC)(link)
Slowed to a stop, Steve moves to stand by the bench, hands on his hips as he stands there looking at Sam. He's not even surprised in the least that Sam lead him out here, really, he's almost surprised it didn't happen sooner, but time hasn't always been their friend. He gives the man a smile as he takes a glance around to make sure they are really alone. Blind spots only work if their's also no one nearby.

He makes an almost amused sound, but it's a little strained. And breathy, but running winds him a little now, a light sheen of sweat - that wouldn't have been there before - decorates his brow. His cells don't renew as they used to, makes it so he actually gets tired now. Even if it still takes a lot to happen. A reminder of how much of a grip the Capitol has on them. It aches.

"Yeah," he looks down with a self deprecating smile that's almost more of grimace. Part of him was so sure he was hiding it better than that. Though, maybe that was the tell. "Does seem about time, doesn't it?" His voice isn't reluctant, but there's a reserved nature to it.

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