[Closed] Talk to me

[fiercestwarrior]

Who| Thor and Sif
What| Much needed talk about feelings
Where| Thor's room
When| At some point before the arena
Warnings/Notes| Will add if necessary

Sif doesn't mind waiting.

All right, so maybe that is not entirely true but she is at least very capable of waiting if there is need for it, and so she has (to the best of her ability) kept her distance and she has waited for Thor to work out how he feels about her and what is quite clearly happening between them.

Sif knows how she feels, that much is certain. She loves him, nothing has changed that and she doesn't think that anything will for a good long while. She has already accepted the possibility of him not loving her back, and she knows that she is more than capable of living with it but this in-between state that they are in now... that she is not sure how much longer she can stand to be in.

And with his brother, the version of him that is from their world, in the Capitol she is certain that he must have even more on his mind.

In short, he probably needs a friend, and whatever else she might be to him she is most certainly that.

So she knocks on his door, though she doesn't wait for an invitation before she lets herself into his room.

"Thor?"

Comments

[worldsaway]

Sif hasn't slipped by Thor's watch, even if he's been entrenched in the madness this place brings. She's right to worry, because the presence of two Lokis worries him more than he'd like to admit. It's difficult enough to keep an eye on one of them, and the Children's Arena was evidence of how well that went most of the time.

He's kept distance to spare her from his confused heart, but it only makes it worse. His feelings are intensifying, and he misses her deeply. He tells himself he is a fool for it and that he does her no respect in all of this, but it doesn't make the yearning fade. It doesn't stop him yearning for Jane if only so he could have the closure they both deserve.

He sets himself in circles, making no progress one way or the other where she is concerned. It's funny how their minds work, because he's decided he's had enough. He will talk to her, be honest with her and lay it all on the table so that they may find which path to take. He's in the middle of pulling on a shirt after a quiet afternoon of lounging and heavy thinking, he very nearly balks when she enters before he clears his throat and straightens up with a small smile.

"Sif." Even saying her name brings more of a smile to his lips it seems. "What troubles you?" Though he knows they are friends, he wonders whether she would truly arrive with no purpose, but there is little you can do without purpose here.

[fiercestwarrior]

She misses him too, and what she longs for isn't the things she knows that she cannot have. What she longs for is the things she did have. His company. The way they could both sit quietly and just talk for hours, and the way they could get loud and stupid and do completely reckless and ill-advised things. She misses testing her strength against his while sparring, and she misses just being quiet in the same room together because there is nothing to say but being close still makes things better, even the silence.

She misses her best friend.

"What troubles me is that I can recall a time when you would come to me when things were weighing on your heart and mind."

It has not been so for some time, which was true even before they both came to the Capitol.

She takes a couple of steps further into his room, refusing to let herself withdraw and hide behind her own walls again because that has been getting them nowhere. She is not good at this, but it would seem that Thor is even worse off and someone has to do something.

"Talk to me, Thor. And if you will not, then you shall have to listen, for I at least have plenty to say."

She has been doing a lot of thinking of her own, after all.

[worldsaway]

By now, Thor had weathered at least four months without any contact with Sif. Granted he'd also spent time in Midgard, and he'd missed her and his friends and family just as much as one another. Even after doing without her so long, it still aches to know that she's here and he can't be around her. He doesn't know why he has adhered himself to these guidelines, he doesn't know if it will help, but he knows it is better to ache than to hurt her more.

He just didn't factor the fact that she would miss him just as dearly in the equation.

Despite an urge to, he doesn't step back when she enters, though he does avert his gaze for a moment. He shouldn't be surprised that she's taken it upon himself to drag him out of his foolish attempts to wallow, it's so embarrassing that he can hardly dare to admit it.

He draws in a deep breath, leveling a hopeless look on her when she says her part. His mind is raking for a rebuttal, but there's nothing welling up but what he's been considering when it comes to her.

"When did you come to vex me so, Sif?" He asks finally, it's slipped out before he can stop it. "It's as if I were a boy again. A fickle child." Now that it's coming out, it's getting easier to just get it off his chest, though his expression becomes even more despairing as he continues. "If I could just speak to Jane I would simply- I would not have either of us suffer any longer- but I do not wish to flit from one woman to another as if either of you were nothing of importance to me." It feels gratifying to admit this, in a way, but scary in another. He faces battles with a stern face, but he's terrified of alienating the people he loves most. "I have no knowledge of what I want anymore, but I know that I feel as I had when I yearned for you so long ago. As if it had never stopped. As if I had learned to pretend not to feel it."

[fiercestwarrior]

"If you could speak to Jane I very much doubt this problem would ever have arisen."

Thor is not the only one who has been wallowing a little, and while her heart sings to hear him say that he has rediscovered feelings for her that she never even realised that he'd had, the simple fact still remains that had Jane been with them... well, he would never have so much as considered it, would he?

"And I do not think that agonizing for months would be considered 'flitting' by anyone. Stop thinking yourself a villain because your heart is torn, love is not so simple a matter as we would all very much like it to be, and you have a very large heart. It is no wonder that there is room for more people than one in it."

Part of her wants to step closer to him, but it seems wiser to keep a bit of a distance, and in all honesty she sort of wants to stay close to the door as well since what she has to say might make her want to make a hasty exit, depending on how Thor will react.

"You will always yearn for her, more like than not, no matter where life takes you. Much as a part of my heart was still yours when Haldor and I came to love one another. I never spoke of it but... I think he knew that. If that love... your love for Jane, if that part of yourself is something you cannot turn away from then I understand, Thor."

Every word spoken makes her feel a little heavier, a little sadder, but she knows how to bear that. It can perhaps be seen in the way her stance shifts ever so slightly, as if she is bracing herself, but she remains calm and steadfast.

"But what I will not stand for is you making me endure this place without my best friend because you cannot make up your mind. If you cannot make a choice then I will make it for you. Love Jane, hold on to the memory of the love you shared with her and learn once more not to see me in the light you do now. I refuse to be settled for because you cannot have what you truly desire. My place is by your side, as your right hand when you go forth to battle. Do not make me be elsewhere when the next arena comes because of your guilt."

[worldsaway]

"It could not be what we wanted it to be." He says softly. "What I have with Jane it.." He needs to pause to find that resolve, to dismiss the uncertainty that lingers. "It cannot be." He almost breathes that out, but his expression is stern, as if he won't be swayed on this. If Jane were here, he doesn't know if they could weather this together. He doesn't know because he's hardly spent a great length of time with her. They have pulled through much, but what is a relationship with no knowledge of happiness?

He opens his mouth to protest as she goes on, but his words die in his throat. It's hard to think of a rebuttal to that. Thor might be the more charismatic of the two, he might even be more convincing, but nobody makes a good point quite like Sif.

"You know that I am a great fool no matter which way I turn." He says with a soft smile, bridging the gap between them so he can put both his hands on her arms. "I would be lost without your guidance, and I know that well. I do not seek to abandon you, Sif. My heart could not bear to do so, and I know there is little hope of me making you do anything. Just as you cannot make my choices for me. You speak of my heart, but what of your nobility?" He gives her a wry smile, but it's still sad.

"Things cannot be as they were now." The hands on her arms squeeze a little tighter. "But I promise you that there is nothing. No feeling nor power that could ever prevent us from being by one another. I will not abandon you now." His hand raises protectively to her neck, forcing an intense moment eye contact between them. "But know this, Sif, to love you would never be to settle."

[fiercestwarrior]

"Do you?"

Do you love me as I love you?

She hates the touch of vulnerability in her voice as she looks into his eyes, standing there in his grip without reaching to touch him in turn because she cannot bear to in this moment. It would surely break what remains of her self-control and she cannot crumble now.

This is not the time or place for any of this, but how else are they suppose to live in this place but as if each day is their very last in this world? How can they tread carefully when the world insists on stomping all over them with iron-clad boots?

[worldsaway]

The vulnerability in her voice is a chill breeze, but it doesn't do anything to wane the warmth that's growing in his stomach just thinking about that question. Does he? Yes. There's no hesitation, he doesn't need to think about it. It's a soft whisper in his mind that seems to resonate through all the questions and uncertainties.

He hesitates, just for a moment, just because he cannot help but worry for everyone involved and for every aspect of this situation that isn't right. But he answers.

"Yes." It's almost a whisper, a sigh that escapes his lips as his expression softens, his hand raising upward to cup her cheek instead. "For as long as I can recall. For as long as you've been by my side." His voice wavers some when he admits that, a small, more sincere smile playing at his lips. It's impossible for this to feel wrong when he looks at her like this, when they both feel the same. It feels like there's nothing that can or should stop them right now, so why is it so hard to lean in and kiss her and allow them a small happiness?

[fiercestwarrior]

Her hand comes up to cover the one he is cupping her cheek with, a careful smile softening her stern features, though it is slow in appearing, as if she is not quite certain that she can truly believe what he is telling her.

"Well. You can be assured that by your side I will remain."

For as long as she can, though she is not naive enough to think it a sure thing that she would be able to overcome any obstacle to stay with him. Loved ones have been torn from her before, and here their lives are not their own.

[worldsaway]

It isn't possible for his expression to soften any, even when hers does. His smile is full of fondness for her, though his mind is a flurry of confusion. He cannot fight it anymore, he cannot gate his feelings when he needs to release them so badly.

This is what they both need, and if they both need it, it cannot be selfish. It cannot be bad if it feels this good and true and he believes in their ability to weather this uncharted territory together.

"If you would have me, I would have you." He states, but it isn't long before he continues to speak. "Perhaps we should approach this with more care than we do battle." He's partly joking, quirking a brow at her, but there's a little truth to it.