thecapitol | [Closed] You fall, feeling like its just begun

Entry tags:

[Closed] You fall, feeling like its just begun

Who| Jet Link and Albert Heinrich
What| Jet takes Albert to see the stars and some needed venting of emotions happens
Where| The roof of the training center
When| Last night
Warnings/Notes| Talk of suicide, depression

Things hadn't really improved too much other than they were all back in the capitol and they knew a little more about their situation; not much by a long run, but some. Not enough to make them feel any better.

It had gotten a little overwhelming even for Jet so one night, he grabbed a snack from the kitchens, took Albert by the hand with only a 'come with me' and dragged them to the elevator. Any possible questions or looks from his partner were ignored until Jet could push open the door to the roof.

Once there, the blond led the older man to the edge and set the snacks there, knowing the force field around the place would stop them from falling. He gestured to the sight of the lit up city below. "It's nice, isn't it? All things considered. But, better than that, is this."

He tugged Albert to turn away from the city and look up towards the sky where thousands of small pinpricks of light broke the inky black of the night sky.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

"It's lovely," his face is blank as he looks up at swath of light, the words more of a programmed response than a reflection of Albert taking in the sight. They're stars. They don't help. They just burn millions of light years away, most probably dead already and all they're seeing is echoes of what once was.

He doesn't ask why they're on the roof, even as he turns back to the bustle of the city below. Jet's always gravitated to high places. It's his comfort, and far be it from Albert to begrudge him what little comfort they have left, but all it makes Albert think is how far down would it be to the street. Being up here above it all is just an illusion of freedom and the German skates his fingers against the surface of the force field to watch it ripple, face just as blank.

They don't have control over anything, not anymore.

Jet couldn't help being visibly put out by that, but he doubted Albert would see it anyway with his focus on the city and Jet's still up on the sky. He knew the things he did like taking Albert flying or talking to him about nothing wasn't a miracle fix, it wasn't something that made everything better, but Albert usually at lest pretended it helped a little, showed he appreciated what Jet was trying to do.

That wasn't there this time, just that impassiveness that made something twist in the blond and gave him that feeling of anxiety that was only familiar in it's unfamiliarity.

He turned away from the stars, finding them less entrancing than they'd been only seconds before. When he'd been up here with Elsa, things had seemed a tiny bit better, a little more hopeful, now it just seemed silly. After all, it wasn't like he could actually take Albert flying if he wanted to, they were still trapped.

But that wasn't the point. The point was to still have hope because, difficult as it might be to see, it was still there. "Come on, Al, give me more than that...I was hoping it'd cheer you up a bit."

"I'm sorry." He is, he truly is. He'd rather be happy or even pretend to be happy for Jet's sake but he can't even bring himself to do that, not right now. Not when the only thing he can manage to do to subvert this sick system is hide in Jet's room instead of his own and that hardly seems a victory.

He runs a hand over the force field again. "I met some of the other tributes awhile ago. One couldn't have been older than fifteen." He watches the cars and the people and the colored lights, all gaiety and distraction down below. "Fifteen and he's supposed to fight for his life in the arena. To die in the arena and then come back and do it all over. At fifteen."

Albert looks up, trying to vaguely guess how high the force field goes. Probably high enough. "It was bad enough for us as adults to have our free will stripped away and be made to kill for no real cause, but fifteen and to have to die and return over and over and then find some way to smile and be personable to all of the depraved masses that watch in the hopes they'll give you something to make it just that much easier to kill next time."

"At least for us we never had to pretend to enjoy it." He shakes his head, looking unseeing out at the cityscape, voice dropping soft and pained. "I don't know if I can do this."

He wanted to be angry about that last statement, to rail against it, but he couldn't because he understood the feeling. The first day there, he'd sat at the bar downstairs and said pretty much the same thing. For the first time in forever, he'd talked about how hopeless it had all felt and while Chaud had managed to smack him enough to get him moving again, all the things he'd said against exploring had turned out true.

Things were a little hopeless. But Jet was Jet and he couldn't just lay down and roll over for that. Besides, there was one thing.

"There's a way out. Sort of. If you win the games, you're out off the system. I talked to the guy who won the arena before the one we showed up in, he's a mentor now. It's not...perfect, but it's better than going through this thing over and over again." Enjloras had said it wasn't really an escape, that it was surviving not winning and Jet believed him a hundred percent. But that wasn't going to help his cause in trying to give something Albert could hold on to.

"I know it seems impossible...but every time we're in an arena, I'll fight as hard as I can to get you and Chaud and Joe and Pyunma in that position." And Elsa and maybe this kid too, Jet knew it would be harder to do the more he got to know these people, but he'd pick and choose and go from there. He'd fight till every single person he cared about was out of this damn system.

"And then, once you guys have that time to spare, I know you'll find a way out of here. We'll figure it out." After all, out of the five of them, Jet was hardly the brains in the operation, he was better suited doing exactly what he was proposing: fighting tooth and nail for them.

Edited 2014-03-09 19:02 (UTC)

"I'm tired of this." This isn't something he wants to say, or something Jet wants to hear, and Albert's shoulders bunch in deference to that but he continues regardless. He can't not, the words have been fighting to spill out for days already. What Jet suggests isn't a new idea. It occurred to him almost as soon as they had time to breathe. Who needs to be out, what order they set things up so each of them make it out eventually and can figure a way out. And he hates it. "I'm tired of being put in the position of deciding which of us lives or dies, worrying if we'll really make it out this time, if the choices we're making are for the best or if there's some other way."

He goes quiet again, still not looking at Jet, still not looking at anything so much as the middle distance. The worst part of it is there's not help for it, not anymore. At least on Valhalla they'd had the freedom to choose where to go and what to do. Here you're do what you're told and you die or you don't do what you're told... and you still die and it's not some nefarious but hidden organization, it's the entire length and breadth of society.

"I'm just.. tired."

He goes silent, keeping his eyes averted as he thinks. He knew Albert wasn't going to be thrilled with the idea, that wasn't what he was hoping for. He just needed his partner's patience while Jet worked towards this goal.

"I know. I know you are...that's why I think this is the best option. You don't have to make the decision because it doesn't need to be thought too hard about. I'm going to get you out of this mess, no matter what it takes."

The fear of what would happen to his partner--not just physically, but mentally--was the main force behind his decision. Albert had been doing better, he probably would have gotten a lot better had they had the time, but here it felt like Jet was standing on thin ice while he ran around trying to keep all the progress they'd made from unraveling.

He had to keep them together until they could find their stride again.

"I know it seems hopeless...but so has a lot of other things. I can't give up yet and you know I won't let you give up either."

"I'm not like you. I can't just keep butting my head against a brick wall until something gives." He winces at his own scathing tone, tightening up his posture even further in having fired the verbal shot, but he's so damn done with everything and Jet just keeps pushing and pulling him along when he'd really rather just lay down and let himself be buried.

"I can't keep struggling to fix what mankind does to itself, I don't have the energy or even the conviction anymore. What's the point when it never works?" His voice rises in volume and shakes around the edges. It's not that confident way he usually speaks even when he's unsure of something; even then he's sure he'll learn. This is different, this is fragile and cracking and reflects exactly how he feels internally. "What's the point when it's only a matter of time before we have to kill each other, or they kill us for good because we made one wrong move. And death isn't enough for them here, oh no, they mean to see us suffer. They mean for us to put on a show and they'll applaud us for the way we killed or died and condemn us for what Gott verlassen clothing we happened to be wearing at the time as if it matters and then have us do it all again, around and around. And should one of us win we have to watch the others die again and again. How long do you think any of us can stand that before we break? How long can you stand that, having already died - what is it - three times now? And I'm catching up!"

He throws his hands up and stalks a few steps off, pacing behind the forcefield like a caged animal, glaring with hate and howling out upon the world that's wronged him. "How much longer can we be expected to take this? Without even the freedom to stay dead?!"

And all at once that thin ice broke with the confirmation of everything he was fearing making itself plain in the tone of Albert's voice. But just as that cold starts seeping through him and threatening to freeze every inch of him, the constant inferno that had been built up in him reared it's head and sent burning anger through him. Instead of shoving it away and trying to keep it concealed as he had been since it's creation months ago, he embraced it and let a tiny fraction of it out.

"You think death would be freeing!? It's not freeing, it's defeat, it's nothing. There's no rest, no soft light waiting to take everything away, it's failure and regret and only causes more pain."

Every single time he'd died, every single time he'd felt himself shutting down and his vision going dark, there'd always been something he regretted, something that made him want to scream and rage against his own demise, even that first time when he'd practically accepted he would die, he'd had something he regretted so desperately that it almost made him change his mind.

And at the core of all the things he regretted was the man across from him.

"I don't blame you one damn bit for being tired of watching humanity tear itself apart, believe it or not, I am too. I watched the very government I adored and idealized pull the same bullshit that the evil organisation that ruined lives pulled and that was enough for me to be tired of it.

If there's a chance to save these people from this crap, I'll be right there taking it, but that is not why I'll fight. I'll fight, I'll die as many times as it takes to make sure you and Pyunma and Joe and Chaud are safe because, right this second, that is all that matters."

In contrast to Albert's pacing, Jet was deathly still, the fire practically visible in his voice and eyes and heating his skin. "It's sick and it's wrong, but I will do all of it if it means you're safe because that is the only thing I care about anymore."

Now he did move, striding forward and grabbing the shorter German by the shirt. In arguments past, Jet's height was his advantage but it broke in comparison to Albert's ability to be imposing even at his shorter stature due to Jet's pomp being half an act even in genuine anger and indignation. This was different.

"Don't you dare say death would be freedom when you are the only thing keeping me going."

It's not rare to see Jet angry. Some days it seems like everything sets him off. It's not even rare that the anger would turn to Albert and bounce off him for lack of any other direction. But this isn't that sort of anger, the kind that makes you swear when you stub a toe or prompts flipping off another driver on the road. This is a rolling conflagration, unstoppable, terrible and awesome in its expression and it leaves Albert feeling humbled and charred in its wake.

Weak.

He's limp in Jet's grip, standing and just letting the other man nearly hold him standing just with the handful of shirt while he tries to avoid meeting Jet's eyes, as if he'd been struck. His voice comes hoarse and thin, scraping over the undercurrent of noise from the city with little force. "I'm sorry... I didn't know, I-..."

He didn't know he was holding Jet up, as weak as he's felt even before coming here. He'd been wrapped up in how much of a burden he was, a fault he couldn't find the voice to admit because of just how much he felt he needed Jet and it never even occurred to him that Jet needed him too, that he can't simply exist by Jet's side but he needs to actually be there. And he hasn't. He's been selfish and weak and so encompassed in his own suffering that he'd missed entirely how badly Jet was struggling too.

His hands shake a little, but Albert moves to pull Jet closer, to wrap his arms around narrower shoulders and hope to high heaven he hasn't done more damage than he can repair. He has to try, he has to stop this and try harder and keep trying past all endurance because the last thing he's ever going to let happen is to fail Jet again. "I'm alright. We're alright. I didn't mean it, I'm here."

It takes a moment with Albert's arms around him for him to rebury that anger and leave glowing embers in its wake, finally allowing him to bring his own arms up to encircle his partner in a tight hold.

"Don't...you don't have to do that either. I'll support you and I'll protect you." His fingers curled into the fabric of Albert's shirt. "...I'll take care of you for the rest of our lives...all I need you to do is keep trying. Don't give up on me."

Please.

Jet's hiding, he's bottling up and he's been bottling up ever since Albert came back from Jaden and the German hadn't even noticed until right now with Jet's words tantamount to a slap in the face. He feels like the worst kind of heel, but there's a warmth along with it in knowing that against all reason, against the logic that Jet should have long abandoned him for someone more bright, for someone more deserving and he never would have laid blame, Jet instead professes he'll stay and take care of Albert instead. For the rest of their lives.

He'd never said that before, for the rest of their lives.

For the first time since coming up to the roof, Albert looks Jet in the eyes, pulling back just far enough to do so and bringing his hand up to the blond's cheek lightly. He should say something, reassure Jet that he won't do anything drastic, that he would never intentionally sabotage what he holds most dear in this life. A soft smile plays across his lips for a second, something almost shy as he brushes his partner's cheek with the pad of his thumb.

For the rest of our lives, he'd said.

"Marry me."

Jet blinked and stared, fairly certain his ears were playing tricks on him.

He'd meant what he'd said, he had every intention of staying by Albert's side and he always had. He'd been the one to approach the older man because he'd loved him and that love had never diminished, only grown.

But there were a lot of reasons why those words were not ones he'd ever expected to hear. He'd grown up thinking he'd never get married because guys like him just didn't, then Black Ghost happened and even the idle dreams of possibility stopped. Even after he and Albert had gotten together, it had never occurred to him.

He didn't doubt Albert loved him, certainly not recently, but there'd always been this part of him that thought he was just a place holder for whatever women Albert would actually marry someday. Even beyond that he realized it was possible the German would never want to marry since he'd come so close with the woman he loved only to lose her, Albert being who he was, it wouldn't have surprised Jet if he'd just decided against trying again.

And yet here they were and the more Jet thought about it, the more he realized those words had actually come out of his partner's mouth.

He could feel his face burning hotter with each passing second and finally he had to look away for the feeling gripping his chest.

"I...I mean...if you're not just messing with me or something...I-" A clipped nervous laugh escaped him and he shrugged. Albert would joke bout a lot of things, but this wasn't likely one of them. "Yeah, sure. I will."

The silence after Albert's proposal seems to stretch for so long that Albert's afraid he made a mistake. His timing was wrong, wasn't it? They'd just been talking about death and suicide, and they'd been fighting. He's fairly certain Jet was going to hit him if he hadn't snapped out of it when he did and he would have deserved it.

Or maybe he shouldn't have been the one to ask at all? Albert had thought off and on about proposing ever since laws began to pass making it legal in places around the world. It had put the idea in his head and he'd always wanted it on some level, he'd just given up with all the controversy surrounding it. As if they needed more controversy in their lives. And Jet... Jet's freedom personified, and the idea that he might find marriage as something to encroach on that was enough to keep Albert holding his tongue for years. Long enough for Jet to have left, for the world to have ended more than once.

But here they are again and it had slipped out because Jet had said the rest of their lives and now he's is silent and staring with wide eyes and a pink face and Albert mentally berates himself for misreading the mood, his partner, anything, everything.

His mouth is dry in hearing Jet's reply. He wants to kiss him and laugh and even sob all at once. The answer sounds glib and offhand but Albert's known Jet for a long time and he knows when the other man is feeling so strongly that he has to play it down. "I wouldn't joke about this."

He slides his hands down to Jet's, curling his fingers between Jet's longer ones and holding them tightly. Are they really going to do this? Is this something they can do here? He's wanted it for so long but now that it's actually on the table there are so many logistical questions but God he can't stop being aware of his heart slowly beating its way from his chest. "You're sure? Don't just do it because of what we were talking about."

His fingers curled tightly around his partner's in return. "I'm not." It came out quick, but he wanted to dispel any doubts that his motivations were genuine. "I mean...I've thought about it before so it's nothing to do with me not wanting to. I just didn't think--you're sure, right?"

He felt happy and embarrassed and strangely giddy, like some lovestruck teen instead of the eighty-something he actually was. But on the reverse, he also wanted to hear that Albert was absolutely sure he wanted to do this. Jet had discounted it so much in his head, it was hard to just turn around and accept it right off the bat.

But he wanted to, he wanted to so badly. Albert was afraid that Jet was only doing it because of what they'd been talking about, but the reality was that, if it had re-occurred to Jet sooner, he might have been the one to ask instead. What better way to prove he wasn't going anywhere even in the face of everything that had happened--before Mocawa and after--than the very thing that said all that and more just because of what it was?

Edited 2014-03-10 22:17 (UTC)

"Didn't think what?" He looks at Jet curiously, the smile not fading at all. The question he barely registers. He asked, didn't he? Of course he's sure. He wouldn't take such a thing lightly and Jet knows him better than to think he would. The timing may be suspect, with the conversation that went before, but he's never been more certain of wanting anything in his life. Even with Hilda there had been doubts - if he could support her with his measly job, if they could get out of East Berlin, if her parents in the West would even approve - but with Jet, while the situation is more dire and more deadly, he has none of those doubts. He worries, yes. He worries they won't escape or win, that they'll be stuck in this cycle of arenas forever, but it doesn't seem like something that should stop them from going through with this.

The simple truth is that he loves Jet, Jet loves him, and neither of them can imagine life without the other. Everything else is just so much background noise.

He shrugged but tried to maintain eye contact at the very least. Saying it to himself was one thing. "Because, I'm not--" He stopped himself, the words sounding stupid without even leaving his mouth. He knew it was dumb, that constant fear and insecurity at the back of his mind, but it wouldn't leave and voicing it wasn't likely to help, only make him feel more dumb.

"Because I didn't think you'd want to. I mean, you've kind've done this, I guess I just thought you wouldn't be too hot on the idea of trying it again." After all, Jet had heard plenty of times about 'that life being shut' to Albert now, he'd assumed that meant the whole package.

A bit of a frown peeks out at Jet starting then stopping again, not because Albert was still waiting for what Jet had to say but because he thought he had an idea of where that sentence had been going. Self worth was always a battle between them, having high opinions of each other and relatively low ones of themselves in turn. They're both unlikely to express it as well, leaving Albert with moments of weakness like he'd started the night with and Jet with the occasional off-hand comment that betrays his true opinion of himself, one that the German absolutely can't stand to hear, not when Jet's been so instrumental in keeping him sane, much less alive.

What Jet actually says is a relief in comparison to the argument he'd been afraid was about the ensue. "I've thought of this before, I just also thought you wouldn't want to be tied down, and there used to be so much trouble concerning relationships like ours." He furrows his eyebrows. "I'm actually not sure what Panem's stance is on same-sex unions..."

"I don't care." Now that it was out there as a possibility, Jet found he was warmer to the idea than he'd realized and only warming further. He wasn't going to be some house-wifey 'Mr. Heinrich' or whatever, but the solidness of it, the concrete affirmation that neither of them were going anywhere, was less trapping and more...it made him feel like he could fly higher rather than be strapped down.

"I'm sure it's something we can find out easy enough...but I really don't care what this place thinks. I just want..." Much to his frustration, his words ran out on him as they were known to do and left him with a barely started sentence. But he did his best to finish it with the eager press of his lips to his partner's.

Albert grins into the kiss and returns it readily. He always enjoyed when Jet's words failed him and he showed what he wanted to say instead. It usually ended well for them both.

His hands leave Jets only to free his arms to wrap around his partner - now his fiance, the thought jumps to his mind giddily - and hold him close. It's amazing what love can do. Barely a few minutes ago Albert had been mentally lamenting the presence of the force field preventing him from crashing to the street below, and now he wants to live. With every fiber of his being he wants to live because this ridiculous man in his arms wants to spend the rest of their lives together and that needs to be as long as humanly possible.

"Ich liebe dich, mein Spätzchen," they're murmured words from tingling lips, Albert's arms tight around Jet, fitted perfectly.

Jet brought his arms up to wrap just as fiercely around...his fiance, glad for the fact he could hide just how persistent this blush was. Just thinking the word sent a slew of emotions through him that he couldn't name.

Enough emotion that he found himself reacting to the words he actually understood differently than he had before. Instead of an embarrassed chuckle and an attempt to play down what it made him feel, he just clung tighter, fingers burying themselves in silver hair as he settled cheek-to-cheek with the older man.

"I love you too, Al." His voice was raw with emotion, but strong, as though nothing else were true but that one fact. He wished he could say more, actually express every single emotion his partner brought out in him so the German would a hundred percent understand how much he meant to the blond, but that wasn't how he worked. He had to rely on tone and actions over anything else to declare how, despite how stupid and aggravating he could be, despite the problems they had, Albert was the single best thing to happen to him in the entirety of Jet's half-screwed up life. He was the most important person Jet had.

They aren't words either of the pair take lightly. As true as they've been for many many decades, they've only said them a handful of times, most if not all of them recent. But now he feels like he could say it a hundred, thousand, million times and it would never get old or lose its meaning. He could hear it with every breath Jet exhales and still crave it the second the sound had faded from the air.

He still wants to hear it again now but he's too shy to say. It's a sudden shyness he's stricken with, something he hasn't felt since he was a child but this giddy feeling pulls it out and sustains it and keeps Albert's cheek pressed against Jet's instead of pulling back to speak again because he doesn't want to know just how warm his face is growing just as much as he simply doesn't want to break the contact with his partner.

One hand slides up to cradle the back of Jet's neck, fingers losing themselves in the short hairs at the nape of the taller man's neck. He has no idea of what's going through Jet's head, but he hopes the other man knows just how important he is; that without him and his constant influence, Albert may not have made it this far at all.

And because of Jet, Albert is glad he did.

Jet stayed that way, holding Albert and being held in return, for a while. He wished they could just stay that way forever, but he eventually pulled away and tugged the German over to the ledge, encouraging him to sit when Jet did, back propped against the low stone wall that made up the edge of the roof.

"Let's hang out up here a bit longer. I'm not ready to go in just yet." It was a little chilly, but going in seemed like a potential mood killer since the reminders of their situation were everywhere down there. Up here, turned away from the dimming city, there was just the little rooftop garden and the stars as their scenery.

Albert's easily led, content to sit shoulder to shoulder with his partner - his fiance; that will likely never stop making him giddy - without the constant rattling of radio or television broadcasting the Games and associated information.

"We'll have to get rings. I'm sure there's somewhere down there for that sort of thing, or we could get them customized. I'm fairly sure they've afforded us quite a bit of money." He takes Jet's left hand between his and runs his fingertips around the blond's ring finger. "Your fingers are narrow, it shouldn't be too difficult to size."

He leans a bit into Albert once they're settled and watches the German's hands touching and holding his. It was true, even with Albert's fingers now being flesh and bone, Jet's were still more slender. 'Delicate' as some ass from the air force had called them once.

He caught one of the older man's hands in his and held it tight. "Certainly more money than I think either of us would use. I'm sure we'll find something. It doesn't need to be too elaborate or anything."

He honestly never thought about what kind of ring he'd want if something like this were to happen. He'd so rarely followed the thought past a simple 'what if' that he'd never gotten to the fine details.

"Something simple, I agree. Maybe with an engraving on the inside." Albert's free hand goes to his chin, the older man deep in thought. "We should find out about religious and governmental services like that here. I know we're not terribly religious but we'll still need a priest to perform the ceremony, if they even have the same religions. Plus there's the matter of wedding party. I assume Joe will be your best man, obviously, but Francoise isn't here and Pyunma never returned from the arena..."

He trails off, that thought causing a hiccup and worrying him, but he hadn't seen Pyunma die either. It could be he found some way out, back to Valhalla or someplace else. Albert's inclined to live in hope that the other cyborg is safely away. "I guess there's Chaud."

Jet found himself unable to consider the things Albert was suggesting just now, but he'd been trying to humor the older man since he knew this was just what Albert did. Now the conversation was heading in a direction Jet both wanted to think about and didn't. He could just imagine Francoise's excitement and enthusiasm on their behalf and how she'd likely deem herself their wedding planner while quietly considering them inept for the job.

Joe would be his best man and everyone would be there, Chang would make all the food and GB would be right there with some smart-remark to tease them. And Gilmore...that was where he had to stop because then he'd remember that they were clones and the family members they remembered were more than likely dead and even if not, they certainly weren't here and the whole train of thought just wasn't the kind of mood he wanted right now.

He brought his free hand up to Albert's opposite cheek so he could lean in and kiss his partner into silence. It didn't last long and when he pulled back he was smiling. "You know, I haven't done this thing before...give me a few more hours to be your fiance before you start pickin' out drapes or anything."

Jet using that word out loud, rather than the kiss, is what prompts Albert's silence instead. He turns red and his mouth twists, unable to decide between an embarrassed waver and a broad smile and so he just ducks his head instead, laughing quietly to himself for a moment.

"I'm sorry, you're right." It's what he does, make plans, try and keep things on track. Sometimes he has a hard time enjoying the present because of it and that's where Jet comes in. Jet who fills in all the empty spaces, complimenting his habits with ones of his own. "It's just been on my mind for a long time."

That makes him pause and embarrassment wars with surprise in is face. "For a long time...?"

How long? Like before this? Before Jaden? Or did he mean even before that, like before Jet left or even before the whole thing with Yomi? Surely not that long.

He shook his head and looked away, the embarrassment winning out in the end s he decides Albert's joking. "Don't exaggerate."

"I'm not exaggerating! I thought of it first after I went to see you in New York, after we had our first real fight, do you remember?" That wasn't exactly the most memorable first that had come out of that month, considering it was the first time they'd slept together after that. And the second. Up to the first five or six times, if he recalls correctly. He smiles at the memory, closing his eyes and leaning back against the wall. "It was that morning when you pulled my head under your chin and wrapped your arms around me. I thought I'd never been so comfortable and at peace in my life and I nearly proposed right there. I didn't want to scare you away though, so I kept quiet."

He opens his eyes again and looks at Jet adoringly, seeing him both as he is and as he was that morning years ago with messed up hair and a happy twinkle in whisky brown eyes. "It's always been you ever since."

He remembered. He remembered every fight they had and every make up that came after and that one had been big in both counts. He'd gone back to New York thinking his relationship with Albert was at an end only to have all of that thrown out the window when the older man came after him and made up for their fight ten fold.

He could remember that morning too, how he'd been feeling so happy and comfortable--more than ever before in his life--and how he never wanted to let the cause of that feeling go. That was why he'd held Albert so tightly and so possessively; things hadn't changed in that respect.

He was glad when Albert kept talking--even with that expression on his face that Jet couldn't look at too long without feeling overwhelmed--because he honestly couldn't say how he would have reacted when he was younger. Confused, definitely, but maybe not wholly negative.

Any consideration he'd been giving the thought fled when it registered what exactly Albert had said.

It's always been him...as though women who stared a little too long at the attractive German or Bina or anyone after that Jet maybe didn't know about didn't matter. But that wasn't--

He felt like his face was going to explode with how heated it grew and his hand darted out to cover his partner's mouth. "Dammit, Heinrich, you can't just say stuff like that. What am I even supposed to say when you spout crap like that." He couldn't even meet Albert's eyes with how overwhelmed and embarrassed he felt.

Jet's reaction sets Albert's joy bubbling over, a complete 180 turn from the mood he'd been in when they first came out here. The German laughs into Jet's hand, raising his own to hold it and allow him to kiss the other man's palm before lowering to between them instead, threading his fingers between the American's longer ones. "You could say how happy you are, or how you wish that I'd spoken up then?"

He leans in, lips dangerously close as he uses his free hand to tip under Jet's chin, gently pulling the blond's face closer. "Or you don't have to say anything."

The kiss he gives speaks enough for both of them.

Jet kisses back and pours everything he can into the kiss. Usually, that would be enough--an outpouring of emotion in an intimate physical action--but right now, he wanted to try and find at least some of the words.

He pulled away, his free hand finding the German's cheek as he searched his partner's eyes as though the words were hidden there somewhere.

"I do wish you'd said it sooner, maybe even right then...but the fact you said it at all's good enough for me. And...I am. Very happy."

He can feel himself trying to look away as though not making eye contact would make his words have less emotion or be less embarrassing or would take away the sliver of fear that always accompanied heavier emotions he tried to express. It wouldn't do any of those things, so he fought to keep that eye contact.

"I'm happier than I've ever been--even more than that morning."

It's not as if Albert doesn't know how Jet feels. If he thought there was a chance that Jet would refuse him, he wouldn't have asked at all, but unbridled emotion has never been easy for Jet, especially not when it came to happiness, love, and affection and so Albert is unprepared for the look on his fiance's face when he says what he does without even a shadow of irony.

Albert blushes from his neck all the way to the tips of his ears, like he used to when he was a child.

A weak laugh escapes him, overcome at the onslaught of just how cute Jet is when he finally expresses that happiness and he has to wonder... "Is this how I make you feel when I say things like that?"

Mystery solved. Not that it will stop him.

His heart was pounding away but he was glad he'd managed to say it--and say it right, it seemed--he felt better for it. Albert's question earns a lopsided smirk. "Something like that. Jerk."

Taking advantage of his hand still pressed to Albert's cheek, Jet leaned in to press a heated but still simple kiss to his fiance's lips, only breaking away when several seconds had passed.

"Did you know bright red's a good color on you?"

"Shut up." He can't stop grinning, pressing his forehead against Jet's as he recovers from the plain but somehow overwhelming kiss.

"We should, at least, talk about the rings." Somehow, despite his blush, he seems serene. "I'd like to get them to wear as soon as we're able."

Jet's smile grows a bit in fondness and he feels like laughing just for how happy he is.

"Yeah, sure. But I warn you now: I don't know anything about that stuff and I haven't really thought about that part before, so I'm gonna look to you on that one."

It was stupid and made him feel silly, but the thought of finding rings, of wearing something that said he belonged to Albert put a flutter in his chest.

"What'd you have in mind?"

"Something simple, as I said." he purses his lips a bit, thinking and shifting against the wall to get more comfortable, consequently leaning further into Jet's side. "It may be old fashioned, but simple gold bands always struck me."

Of course, he'd had simple bands of gold with Hilda too and Jet knows that, so even though he hadn't meant it at all like that, he's quick to shrug. "Or maybe something more customized to us, like silver color rimmed in gold? And engravings."

Really, he didn't mind the thought of simple gold bands, they were traditional but understated and sounded pretty good for the two of them, but there was a part of him he wished didn't have to speak up that made the thought a little uncomfortable.

He in no way felt like a replacement, but the thought that those were the kinds of rings Albert had had with Hilda just made it seem like their thing and not something for Jet to wear as well, so he was silently glad his partner made the other suggestion.

"Silver with the gold sounds like it'd work." He turned his face to look at Albert, curiosity strong in his gaze. "What kind of engraving, though?"

"That does seem to suit us." He gets little crinkles at the corners of his eyes when he smiles this wide, especially with something like bliss. "I'm not sure, something important to us but I'd have to give it some thought. I'm interested to see what you come up with too."

"I'll--uh..think on it.."

Jet mentally stumbled a bit at seeing Albert smile that large, it wasn't a smile he'd seen in what had to be forever and rarely even then. He forgot how much he liked that smile.

He leaned in and reached up to cup the back of Albert's neck so he could kiss the older man thoroughly, only breaking it when air became a little harder to come by.

"Sorry...your smile...I had to do that." He was a little embarrassed, but he'd do it again, say it more explicitly, to make that smile a little more permanent. He was struck with the feeling of wanting to just hold Albert to him and wrap him in a protective hold of love and happiness; that smile was all that he wanted for his fiance and he wished he could keep it there forever.

The kiss is enthusiastic and Albert practically melts into it, panting softly with little chuckles of laughter against Jet's lips when he pulls away. "Oh I see. I'll have to remember that."

Just knowing that his smile, something so simple he barely gives it thought, gets Jet so flustered makes him smile all the wider. It's flattering too, realizing that it's the little things that keep them tethered together. They have their fights, their moments of darkness and weakness, but when a simple little smile is all it takes to strengthen that bond, it's a beautiful thing.

"That's one of the things that attracted me to you in the first place, you know. Your smile. I couldn't understand how you could still be so happy despite what they'd done to us." He understands now that part of it was Jet's appreciation for his cybernetics instead of hatred, but even beyond that, Jet was always so bright and animated even when guarded. It pulled Albert to him like he was caught in the gravity well of a star and the German had not fought to escape. There was no need.

He never knew if he wanted to hear why Albert had given him a chance or not. Part of him did just so he'd know what it was the German even liked about him, but another part of him didn't want to hear because inevitably, it would be said in such a way to set Jet's face ablaze.

He shrugged. "No matter how much it sucks, if I can't find anything to smile about then what's the point in continuing to fight? There'll always be something to fight, but I don't care as long as there's something making it worth it."

He looked to their intertwined hands as words he didn't have to struggle too hard for lined up for him; now they just needed to get past his lips.

"That's you, Al. At the very least, you make it worth it." Albert would always be worth fighting for because just the thought that Albert Heinrich cared about him--loved him--was enough to make him smile.

He looked up again, choosing determination over the self-consciousness his own words sprouted. "I'll keep fighting everything I need to, just to make sure you keep smiling. Hopefully with more appearances of that last one you gave."

Jet tried for a smile and found Albert's face with his fingers again, fighting even now against the urge to apologize for all of that emotion and admission he'd thrown at the older man. He wasn't sorry for it, he was only sorry he couldn't say things like that more often.

"I don't think I ever could have understood that until I met you." He realizes they're being sappy and overly emotional, especially for men both well into what society would term their old age, but he doesn't want to stop, doesn't want to have to put back on the trappings of an adult man when he feels so at peace here, curled into his fiance like a tittering schoolgirl. It may not be the most dignified of things, but he can't help but allow himself this.

And then Jet continues in saying everything that makes his heart beat in song instead of simple rhythm and it's his turn not to be able to resist stealing a kiss, something deep and abiding, all encompassing in his adoration for the man at his side. He pulls away breathless, pressing his forehead against the blond's and still smiling that smile. "You've always been the thing to keep me going and I'd been afraid it was too much of a burden, but now I think I see that instead you draw strength from it, like I always have."

He places his free hand over their clasped ones. There are other considerations. The innocents caught here in the arenas for the sick pleasure of the Capitolites, this entire system that can't be left to stand, but in this moment it doesn't seem even remotely as important as the man at his side. "Whatever happens next, we'll keep fighting for each other, if nothing else."

He didn't know it until it came from Albert's lips, but that last statement was something he'd needed to hear, something he'd been needing to hear for quite some time.

Jet's free hand moved to cup the back of Albert's neck and pulled him into another long and deep kiss, full of his own emotions and silent gratitude for those words.

When he finally pulls away, his face nearly lights up with the smile that forms. "You're an idiot." He only curls into his partner more.

He's silent, perfectly content to just sit there like some sap curled up with his fiance, but it was still cold out and, now that he was human again, he at least was still prone to getting cold quickly. A small shiver ran through him as he lightly nudged the older man. "Maybe we should take this back inside...unfortunately, it probably isn't so good an idea to stay out here all night."

He's not sure what exactly he said to spark such a reaction but Albert wishes he knew so he could continue to do it. "How am I an idiot?"

He's baffled, but he can't stop smiling regardless, lips tingling - no, the whole of him tingling in the cool night air just because of the man at his side. "Mm, are you cold?"

That's also baffling, a little. Jet used to be a furnace, radiating warmth because of his fuel production systems and other cybernetics under what was more flesh than metal. Even with a fully human body Albert finds Jet's skin is still generally warmer to the touch than his own, but now that they're relying on actual circulatory systems, the American's hands do seem a little chilly. His own probably are too, but he's so used to it he doesn't notice. "Let's go inside, then."

Albert presses a kiss to Jet's cheek and stands, offering his arm down to help Jet up soon after.

Jet smiles up at him before taking hold of his partner's arm and using it to balance as he stood. As soon as he was on his feet, he leaned down to press their lips together. It was chaste and simple, something he'd done simply because he wanted to kiss the German and never stop.

His hand found one of Albert's and tucked them both into his coat pocket as a smirk played at his lips and he lead them back inside.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[Closed] You fall, feeling like its just begun

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject