we're hollow like the bottles that we drink

[schnapp]

Who| beth greene and you.
What| the arena's done and she's back from a traumatizing canon update. drinking? drinking.
Where| the tribute center bar.
When| post-arena
Warnings/Notes| mentions of alcohol, natch. more to be added.



All things considered, she's surprised that the Capitol kept her new scars. It didn't seem like they would have, since she can see the billboards spanning the city that promote perfection in every physical aspect - all possible by plastic surgery, they boast. These scars weren't there the last time she was in the city, but they are now. The healed-up versions of them, remnants of Dawn's temper - being pistol-whipped across the face isn't something that just goes away.

Beth doesn't care. She doesn't know what it says about her, if it supposedly tells the world that she's weak and not worth saving like the ones hidden by her sleeves. It doesn't matter, because she's in the Capitol now, and not Grady Memorial. And it's honestly hard to tell which she'd prefer more at this point.

She'd had her first drink only a few weeks ago. Her dad used to be an alcoholic, and she'd never wanted to disappoint him. But he isn't here, and -- well. She has the blood of three men on her hands now, even though she doesn't want to admit it. Beth makes her way down to the bar with the unease of someone who is not used to being there. Chin tipped up, ready to challenge anyone who tells her that she's too young to be here.

They ask her what she wants and she replies with the first thing that pops into her head - the only other alcoholic drink she really knows, other than moonshine.

Peach schnapps.

Doesn't matter that you're not supposed to drink peach schnapps by itself. That's what she does anyway.

Comments

[reassures]

When Nill came back and didn't really see Beth around anywhere, she'd thought the worst, but at the time that took a backseat to dealing with her own death, and watching the fallout of it on the TV while Karkat struggled to stay alive, even as he kept entirely to himself. It was a distraction. Most things were.

The past few weeks have found Nill at the bar more often than not, because the screens were there, and it was a decent enough place to drink and keep an eye on things and not need to worry about too many people bothering her. The bartender knows her order, and starts getting it ready when she comes into view.

Nill doesn't go for her usual seat though, because she recognizes that person sitting at the bar, and her eyes go a little wide. Before she realizes it she's at the bar, half in the seat beside Beth, one hand reaching out towards her, hovering over her shoulder, as if worried if she actually tried to touch her she might not be there a moment later.

She wasn't gone?

[schnapp]

The last thing she remembers is Nill's voice in her mind, gentle and soothing. Nill, taking the pain away. She had tried knocking on her door earlier, but the other girl wasn't home. So when Beth turns to see her reaching out to her, she doesn't hesitate to wrap her arms around her, squeezing her tight. Trying to be mindful of the wings, at least. She buries her face in Nill's shoulder.

We don't get to be upset.

"Thank you," Beth whispers, her voice muffled and strained. "Thank you so much."

To be honest, she doesn't know if she could have done it without Nill.

god the gay is strong in here

[reassures]

A hug isn't exactly what she was expecting. For a moment she stiffens in Beth's arms, but it's more a gut reaction than anything else and it passes quickly; just as quickly she lifts her own arms a few seconds later to wrap them around Beth and hug her back. It's not as tight as what Beth's giving her, more gentle, but the sentiment is the same.

But Nill doesn't have a voice, so she can't give her a proper response. Instead, at a loss of any alternatives, she tilts her head to the side to lean it slightly against Beth's.

She's so sorry that Beth is still here, but it's so good to see her again.

did you really expect anything else from me. really.

[schnapp]

She notices the flinch and wonders if she's done something wrong. If maybe the contact was too much and she ought to pull back. But then Nill begins to hug her back - one that is more gentle and less desperate. Beth takes the cue and loosens up, pulling back only so she can look at her. Reaching up to gently touch the side of Nill's face with one hand.

"You're amazin', Nill," and she means every word of it.

not at all I was looking forward to it.

[reassures]

Usually Nill is the one initiating such gentle touches, and she's not quiet sure what her reaction being on the receiving end of it should be. But that, coupled with the compliment and the look on Beth's face has Nill blushing slightly.

It's only then, when she had a good luck at Beth's face, that she notices the new scars, marks that certainly weren't there before and shouldn't have remained after the Arena. She lifts a hand, fingertips hovering near one of the marks, but not quiet touching. Her expression is concerned, but not overly so - they seem to be healed, and Beth doesn't seem to be in pain. But still.

What happened?

tw: self-injury

[schnapp]

She's been trying not to be self-conscious about them, she really is. And it's not that she really cares about being pretty or anything these days, but people seem to take scars as a symbol of weakness. Or maybe it's just the ones on her wrists, the ones she inflicted on herself that tells people that she's not going to survive, somehow.

As if she hasn't already survived wanting to disappear. Like that means nothing.

Beth leans back a little, touching the scar on her cheek softly, shaking her head with a sad little smile. "It's nothin', really. Are you okay? That's more important."

[reassures]

It had taken Nill a long time to learn that her own scars weren't just disfiguring and ugly. The scars on other people had been signs of life, records of what they had been through. Her own were just proofs of her failures until someone told her that wasn't the case, and now even if she's self-conscious about them at times she treasures them. One of the most disturbing things about this place is that the injuries here leave no marks on your skin, no evidence of what you've been through. If they got rid of the ones she already had she'd be livid.

Instead of trying to reply, Nill offers her a very small smile, and lifts her hand. She makes sure her movements are obvious, and if Beth shies away from it at all or seems uncomfortable she'll drop her hand again. But if she doesn't Nill will very gently place her hand on Beth's cheek, thumb resting just below the scar, and she offers her a small, warm smile.

Scars or not, Beth is still a beautiful person.

[schnapp]

Even if Nill hadn't made her movements obvious, Beth wouldn't have flinched. Which is incredible considering how recently she had been pistol-whipped by Dawn, brutally enough that sudden movements ought to make her nervous. But after everything they've been through, she trusts Nill implicitly. She's been inside of her head. In a way, the other girl knows more about her than anyone else in this city except her family.

She leans into the warm touch, heat radiating out from her cheek until the blush covers her entire face.

"Are they that bad?" she laughs, a little bashfully. Jokingly. And it feels nice, to be honest. It feels nearly normal.

[reassures]

Her smile widens a little, and Nill shakes her head. They suit Beth a little, honestly. A lot of people probably thought she wasn't capable of very much - most people thought the same of Nill herself - but they were so wrong about her, and they were wrong about Beth too. She could take care of herself, she just didn't need to.


She makes a little gesture to the bar then, Beth's forgotten drink, and the seat beside where she sat. Could Nill join her?

[schnapp]

She's pushing out the seat for Nill, because even though Beth feels a little worse for wear right now, the day she refuses the company of a friend like her is the day she might as well surrender herself to cynicism and hopelessness. Beth slides her a menu, leaning in so that her body is shifted closer to her.

"Honestly, I'm not sure what I'm doin', so I was just trying anything that looked good on here. You got any suggestions, Nill?"